Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
