wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
