Where are you?
In a non slutty way
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
