Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
we're so committed to being not committed
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
