just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
