i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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