Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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