You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
