a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
