Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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