Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
