I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
