i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
