if you like me you must not know who I am
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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