watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she smelled like a LAN party
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
