he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
