I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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