this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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