I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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