It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
