Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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