brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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