Is it because I queefed?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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