I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
