we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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