At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
