I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
