I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
