Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
