Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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