forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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