you have to choose: penises or morals?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
