Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
