I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
