i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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