girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
try to milk me bitch
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