Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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