I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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