oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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