I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
