I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
