dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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