i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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