I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
