i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
