just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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