Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
