My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The Olympian is in my bed
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
