A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
