Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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