If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
